Making it Work- A personal post

    I am incredibly blessed to be married to the most amazing husband in the world. I know a lot of women would say the same thing, but I mean it. Since day 1, we have always had the kind of relationship that we cherish every moment we have together and try to spend the most possible time together. I have never put gas by myself, gone to run an errand by myself, nor have I done groceries alone since I have been with him. He is the kind of man that makes me promise I will never put gas alone scared that something will happen to me and if I happen to pass by publix when I leave work he will sneak up behind me in one of the aisles and surprise me so that  I do not have to carry the groceries to my car alone.
      Having a baby is one of the best things that can happen to any couple.  It is the product of love ( at least in my case) and she has made our marriage even stronger. Brianna is the happiest baby and I know that she is this way because she feels the love between her dad and I and the love from her entire family.
     BUT.. HAVING A BABY ALSO TESTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP! And if you aren't lovers and friends ( i had to) then its not going to be an easy road.. let me explain.
      Between my arrival at the hospital and my actual delivery, my husband had to switch totally to the best friend mode. He had to clean vomit, bathe me in a bed, and  hold my hand as i squeezed, pinched, and punched his arm between contractions ( im not violent, but any woman who has felt a contraction would understand). Once it was decided that I was having a c-section, the best friend mode kicked into high gear. He had to basically do everything for Brianna since I couldnt get out of bed because of the pain. She cried every 1.5 minutes to be carried, fed, or just cuddled as she was out in this big world after 9 months in my womb and was scared and confused. Hubby would have to bring her to me or carry her himself since I was on a ton of meds that didn't make me feel too well.

     Once you get home and there is no nurse red call button and your bed doesn't incline at the raise of a button, you begin to feel the pain of a c-section all over your body (I'm exaggerating... But it does suck)... Hubby had to do more than help... It was definelty a 70 30 situation where he has to put in 70% and I was only able to give 30%. Also, when you're taking turns waking up every 45 minutes because of the baby, you're not particularly wanting to tell each other I love you... Conversations go more like "hey it's your turn...come on get up she's crying"..

     So in writing this post, I asked hubby what he would say allowed our relationship to go from lovers to best friends and back to lovers without losing the "spark". Here's what we came up with:

1) Discuss before hand the kind of new parents you want to be... Sounds silly, but you need to know if hubby is scared of changing poop diapers, if he thinks pediatrician is always right versus old Cuban traditions, etc. Discussing these things will avoid many arguments once baby is here.

2) Understand that baby belongs to both EQUALLY... You don't want to end up being the parent always on diaper duty, etc. You may resent each other for this. If one parent feels strongly about diaper changing for example, than decide that that parent will be in charge of bottle sterilizing. 

3) Understand that you will BOTH be emotional disasters... Because you are not sleeping and are frustrated that baby cries and you don't know why or what to do that makes her stop crying. THIS IS NORMAL AND TOTALLY OK.

4)Don't lose yourself. Shower, shave, perfume, and don't spend your days switching from pajama to pajama. This goes for both parents. You need to feel good about yourselves. 

5) Talk talk talk talk talk... Tell each other how you feel... Feelings are not facts so the other person doesn't need to agree with them but does need to understand that this is how you feel... I would lay in bed and tell hubby every day how I has felt with how the day had gone. It ranged from "Brianna is such a good baby" to "Brianna doesn't let me do anything around the house"

6) Don't pretend to be super parents... Our parents have been the biggest blessing in helping us with Brianna. I'll never forget Brianna's first week home. She got a diaper rash that almost sent me to the hospital ( im a first time mom and think my childs butt needs to be perfect. lol). That same weekend I had family over from Naples to see the baby and I couldnt even spend time with them. I took Brianna upstairs and sat in bed with her so that she could get air and be diaperless and when I saw myself in that room all alone with a baby who cried everytime she peed because the burn hurt so much I nearly lost it. I called my mom crying, which I didnt want to do because I didnt want to look like a failure in anyones eyes or a mom that couldnt handle her child, and she came over immediately. She even slept over so that  I could sleep the night. I CAN NEVER REPAY HER FOR THAT. THERE WAS NO JUDGING, ONLY HELP, AND IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME.

7) Remember that you were lovers before parents and although your both emotional disasters you cannot stop being lovers. LET ME EXPLAIN BEFORE YOUR MINDS RUN TO INAPPROPRIATE THINGS. I noticed that anytime Brianna was sleeping I would take those 2 hours to clean, cook, shower, etc. About a week into Brianna's life, I saw my husband sitting on the couch alone as I was washing dishes. I turned off the water and went to sit with him. I needed his cuddle and he needed mine. I quickly realized that Brianna nor my husband cared very much at that point wether or not there were dirty dishes in the sink.

8) Dont stop your life because you have a baby. Brianna was with us up and down. We had a stroller and a car seat and were not afraid to use it. Make the baby part of your lives. Just cause you have a baby doesnt mean you cant enjoy time with the husband. Plus, baby sleeps most of the time so she wont really be a bother.

9) SPEND TIME TOGETHER. Even if its a car ride to McDonalds to buy frappes or a trip to Walgreens to buy pampers. DO IT TOGETHER. When hubby went back to work two weeks later, I would wait for him everyday to get home in gym clothes ready to go walking with him and the stroller built so that she can go with us. DO THINGS TOGETHER.

10) Enjoy this season. Its a different season. Its not the lets go out at midnight and get an ice cream or lets go to a midnight movie kind of season. Its a lets enjoy our baby season. Brianna is 9 weeks old. SHE IS HUGE. She learns and does something different everyday. Shes already growing out of 0-3 month clothes and it breaks my heart. She laughs at everything and recognizes voices. Shes heavy now instead of the little paperweight she was born as. Dont run through this season. Forget the super clean house. Buy a swiffer, use the dishwasher, do what you have to do to enjoy your baby. TIME FLIES.

P.S. When hubby and I were discussing this post, he said something that is as honest as ive ever heard. He told me " Melissa, the most important thing is to have been in and be in LOVE. None of these things would work if you weren't in love". HE'S right.

Til next time!!